“Wondering” … from The Untrapped Butterfly (a different way to declutter paper and share your little life stories)

1 January 20241 January 2024 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

Source: *The Untrapped Butterfly* by Kay Underdown

This new book, The Untrapped Butterfly, reflections on life and photo memories, has been created as part of a personal paper decluttering process and offers, by example, a different way to share little life stories.

The words are short extracts from past journal writing (shredding the remainder) coupled with personal photos that instinctively felt right for the words and each having their own stories hidden within.

The words reflect my inner thoughts at the time they were written across the years. Much is left unsaid but when sharing the book with others, numerous stories may emerge. Although the words are not titled in the book, I have called this extract “Wondering” and it stood out to me as the one to share while celebrating the New Year, with the reflective processes that this often prompts.

Wondering

As I sit here under the leaves

I wonder what new adventure awaits me

Wondering allows the moments to pass

while dwelling on that which brings

a sense of unknowingness,

indecision and hopelessness

Yet, if I so choose, wondering leads to the

magic of dreams not yet imagined that bring

a sense of excitement, possibility,

and a world awaiting our hidden talents

to emerge and spread their wings

The selected photo was taken while on a road trip around the UK in 2017 with my youngest daughter. We had just had a short stay at Kirkcudbright, the historic artists’ town of Scotland. This was when I met my friend and book collaborator, Scottish fine artist Stewart Morrison. I happened across a sign directing me along a path to a garden studio and we made a connection due to each of our interests. We have since created two “Drawn by the Sea” books based mainly on Stewart’s art, one on the Isle of Thanet where I was living at the time and researching for a university visual sociology assignment at Stone Bay (published in 2019) and one about a journey around the coast of Scotland which we created from a distance across the miles in 2020 and included contributions by Stewart’s friends and one of my friends in Thanet as she had written about Crail, the place in the little painting I bought from Stewart in 2017.

Back to the road trip and photo … my daughter looked at the map and picked out the next place to stay as she was drawn by its name … Ravenstonedale. It turned out to be the most peaceful and beautiful place and the photo was take while walking and climbing over stone walls following a footpath. Just realised there is a common theme here not before noticed … stone!

The cover is a photo I took at my favourite bay in Broadstairs, Kent on the Isle of Thanet – Stone Bay. I love books and it gives me so much joy creating a book that means much to me. I have learnt so much over the past few years about how much different forms of creativity help with my mental health and wellbeing and have often observed the same in others. I have always loved taking photos from childhood, and have dabbled in drawing, painting, digital storytelling and thread journalling over recent years.

I love this photo which I felt was perfect for the book’s reflective nature
… no butterfly in sight but one day it hopes to revisit Stone Bay

The book is available online “The Untrapped Butterfly. Reflections on life and photo memories” by Kay Underdown and was self-published in December 2023. (Waves and Pebbles Publishing). It is a small, slim book. Sometimes the smallest things can make the biggest difference in life. It is for those who wish to be inspired and come up with their own thoughts and ideas of what they would like to do. It is not a ‘how to’ book … writing on the pages of the book is encouraged.

I am starting the New Year with fresh intentions but no promises, I have learnt the need for freedom, spontaneity and authenticity. My true wish is for unknown adventures to evolve in line with my values where my family, friends, nature and belonging are so important. My dreams and wishes will provide some kind of compass to guide me along the most interesting and fulfilling paths and enable me to contribute in the long-term to the wellbeing of others.

Wishing you all the best for the New Year … remember what is truly important to you and I hope that the coming months will reflect that in your life and bring you joy and contentment,

Kay

Ripples: belonging through journaled poems and photo memories

22 June 202322 June 2023 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

A repurposed work-in-progress painting of my garden where I used to live by the sea provides the background to my new self-published book. Far left, three little boxes of light can just be seen where I painted my shed windows

Journaled poems

I first wrote a poem when I started writing Morning Pages (Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way). It somehow just flowed onto the page as I wrote my three pages of free writing. It was a poem to me, but not in the sense of a proper poem written by a poet. However, it was very personal and special to me. Since that time I have written quite a number of such poems, especially when I was going through a period of depression. I’ve always referred to them as my doomy gloomy poems. I kept these for a long while as although they were a bit gloomy, by the end of the poem I was turning things around so they had a positive slant. This all happened at the time I decided to write. I would start writing something, often deciding to have a set number of syllables and rhyming line endings but no set pattern, just spontaneous decisions which carried through until the poem was finished. I would say that during that time, at least part of it, I was in flow, I became immersed in what I was doing and lost all track of time.

I haven’t written many in recent years and they tend not to be so gloomy. From time to time I have gone through them and wanted to do something with them. I compiled a draft book with them all in, in alphabetical order, but it just wasn’t doing it for me. There was nothing special about it, no special meaning for me. So I put it aside.

Photo memories

I thought about having the poems illustrated. I’m no artist but I do love taking photos, they are like my diary of life. So one day I just came up with the idea of choosing one of my photos to go with each poem, with their own linked memory. Alongside this, I had decided to select my favourites and ten seemed to be the perfect number. One poem is a haiku written during a creative workshop, the rest are journaled poems written quietly, either at home or in a local cafe … or in one case, on a train when it was delayed and stuck in the middle of the countryside.

Some months after, I have given the book a name and am self-publishing under my Waves and Pebbles imprint. It is a tiny book with few pages but it has ended up meaning so much to me. I decided to write just a couple of pages of endnotes that say a little about the memories.

Repurposed painting

I recently started doing a mixed media mantra art course with artist Kelly Rae Roberts and that has got me back into playing around with paint. One day I decided to paint over a large canvas of a painting I did en plein air in the garden where I used to live and have ended up with the work-in-progress painting shown in the picture. I decided this was perfect for my book cover and just added a blob for the back cover to represent the sun and remind me of the beautiful sunrises and sunsets that I experienced when I lived on the beautiful Isle of Thanet coast in the south east of England.

The blob makes all the difference to the back cover!

I’m excited to say that the book dropped through my door a couple of days ago. It will be online, official publication date was yesterday – a year on from my last book “Writing Back to Happiness” written in collaboration with four wonderful ladies in Thanet. I notice that some countries already have it available but it has not yet worked through the system to be everywhere and will appear in time. I’m not sure how other people may experience “Ripples” A journey through belonging 10 poems with personal photos and endnotes (by Kay Underdown) but for me it helps show a different way of representing personal memories and preserving them for the future.

Self-publishing – pricing dilemma

I have found it very difficult to put a price on this book as it is very slim. Often we are guided by the size of something in putting a monetary value on things yet if I think of what else you could buy for so little, it is not very much. For me, I will treasure my little book with the memories it holds safe for me and provides the starting point for more little stories in life, whether written or visual. More recently, I have explored sound and music in telling a digital story in relation to my personal experience of cancer … but that is definitely for another post.

Journal wanderings in time … written some months back

19 June 202319 June 2023 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

I decided to have a 40 day adventure by writing in my travel journal, a gift to myself many years ago that has lain dormant, waiting for some special time. I had no idea where I was heading, it was to be an adventure in life as opposed to an actual journey, although I had already planned to go away for a few days to Scotland. I just felt the need for it, life wasn’t turning out quite how I had hoped and I knew something needed to change. I needed an adventure.

This seat overlooks Botany Bay on the Isle of Thanet at The Botany Bay Hotel … thoroughly recommended

It wasn’t long before I started revisiting what my dream had been some years ago, to have a little seaside cafe named Pebbles. Rather than dwell on an unfulfilled dream, I thought about what it was that I enjoyed about café life. Cafés, and other sociable daytime places such as hotel lounges and bars, have the potential to be wonderful places to spend time – but it has to be the right place. A place where I can feel welcome yet left to immerse myself in my own thoughts. Whether it be developing ideas, writing or reading a book or just wanting to sit and absorb the surroundings.

The Botany Bay Hotel is in the distance on the right

So what is it about cafés that draw me in? Sometimes it may be the local cafe that becomes a place where I find a sense of belonging and community, seeing familiar faces. These may not be friends but may be acquaintances and even conversations or brief interaction with strangers can make my inner self feel connected. Other times, it’s a place with a view, a seascape with time to reflect at leisure on life or just to immerse myself in just feeling totally blessed by my surroundings.

Through writing in my journal, it reinforced the importance to me of nature and creativity. I have written things like “My little world of joyful nature” and then added my thoughts on what this is. I also came up with the phrase “I am a social entrepreneur, inspired by life, grounded by nature”. On reflection, now I want to reverse it – inspired by nature, grounded by life. Perhaps that’s for a discussion another time.

Birds are all around us as soon as we step out the door. They have the potential to captivate me, especially the little robin that joined me during the first lockdown when I tinkered with gardening. The seagull holds a special place in my heart yet others seem to despise the way they scavenge and steal. The baby seagulls are innocent of this in the early years, still learning and relying on their parent for food. If one comes knocking on your window with a cute, quizzical face be prepared to fall in love with the soft, feathery bundle that walks on stilts. Seagull parents are the most protective so a handy umbrella for protection from dive-bombing can be a plus.

Some birds capture our wonder before we have even caught sight of a real one. The colours of the Kingfisher, often depicted in flight captured by photos or within a work of art, captivate me whenever I see them. I am grateful to have a beautiful painting by a dear friend and this reminds me of Margate on the Isle of Thanet where she was exhibiting at the time. On the other wall is a painting of Botany Bay sunrise by another artist friend living in Scotland. Each picture brings back a host of special memories and stories regarding the people and places. It intrigues me the power that pictures have, aside from their intrinsic value and interest as a work of fine art.

Returning to birds, I am reminded of the joyful birdsong that greeted me whenever I ventured into the garden early in the morning with no other sounds to distract me from these magical notes of pure happiness. Drawn to look up to the sky and consider the wonder of flight, particularly the murmurations of starlings that take me back to special times by the Thames Estuary in Kent.

So well might you be wondering what is this to do with my travel journal and having an adventure. I believe an adventure in life can be had at any time of our choosing. It’s about being open to opportunities, whatever else may be going on in life that is outside of our control. It’s enjoying exciting exploration of what is out there to experience combined with an introspective inquiry, what do I really want to do? Oftentimes I don’t actually know what I want to do and having discovered that there are people who are multi-pods or multi-potentialities (look up Emily Wapnick on YouTube), I realise I lean that way. What that means to me is that sometimes I have so many interests and so much going on in my head that it needs somewhere to go, to be offloaded, to try and make sense of it all and to bring back clarity. In essence, to simplify life and bring it back to the basics. My travel journal does all of this and more.

It took me on a real journey to Scotland and an unexpectedly extended holiday traversing the Lake District, Lancashire, Yorkshire and the Peak District. I drove along routes that filled me with a little trepidation when there were warning signs regarding breathing and altitude. The reward was a stop off to admire the view and take in the peacefulness and fresh mountain air. I stayed at different places, discovered those I would love to return to and felt such a sense of freedom. I made few plans, often guided by where the next Starbucks was, somewhere I could sit in my car and refresh, ready for the next journey onwards. I am a free spirit still learning to live within the confines of life as it is today. Enjoying aloneness versus craving connection. A paradox in life.

Waves – sea therapy from afar

29 August 2022 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

I recently took the opportunity, while on a holiday road trip, to visit Hornsea, a small seaside town on the beautiful Yorkshire coastline in England. The following piece of writing emerged (unedited).

“Waves have the power to entrance and refresh, to bring us close in to nature. They devour our stressful feelings and bring an inner depth of awe into our world. The fresh salty air, the constant yet rhythmic movement that rises and falls and moves in and out of our lives.

Braving the waters, there is nothing like being swept up and down within the gentleness of a calm yet revolving sea. To allow oneself to drift within its soothing hug before returning refreshed to the damp pillowed sandy and pebbly shore.

To catch first sight of the waves crashing against the shore is heaven embodied. It draws me in. As each rise swells to a crashing crescendo nothing else matters. This is life. This is all that is needed to wipe the worries away.

Waves are forever there despite them being far away. Their energy may lay dormant within us until we allow ourselves to be within their power, within their being, whether through our own visionary imagination or immersing ourselves in seascapes that effervesce with the sense of the sea, providing a source of sea therapy that is open to all who wish to offer themselves to it.

Sea therapy is for all, regardless of whether you are by the sea, if you have had personal experience of it, it stays within waiting to be given the key to open up your dreams of a life blessed by the sea.”

Not so long ago I moved away from the sea and now live next door to the Peak District National Park with its stunning mountainous scenery. I knew that I would miss the sea yet I have learnt that by remaining connected through my interests, friends, photos, projects and writing, I can still feel the benefits of that connection, that sense of belonging. A while ago I discovered reference to some research that backed this up, that if you have personally experienced being by the sea then the benefits can still remain with you. I now know personally that I can tap into this feeling whenever I choose and when I am able to visit the seaside it is the most amazing feeling and something that I will forever look forward to.

I didn’t realise until I was writing this post that the Peak District was the first National Park, created in 1951 (there is much history behind this which makes me realise how lucky we are to have the freedom to explore such a wonderful area). By the end of the decade the Lake District, Snowdonia, Dartmoor, the Pembrokeshire Coast, North York Moors, Yorkshire Dales, Exmoor, Northumberland and Brecon Beacons had also become national parks. https://www.peakdistrict.gov.uk/learning-about/about-the-national-park/our-history.

One Picture So Many Stories

19 February 2021 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

Today, feeling somewhat reflective, I decided to revisit my blog and discovered an unpublished draft that shared the link to a guest blog post I wrote last summer. I was really pleased to be invited by Suzanne of Raising Midlife Vibrations to do this and the post ended up being my journey through writing. Whilst I am rather late in sharing this, I do believe that sometimes this happens for a reason – yet to be revealed! If you find this post helpful at this time I would love to hear from you. The link to my post is below and I thoroughly recommend you take time to explore Suzanne’s wonderful blog.

https://raisingmidlifevibrations.com/one-picture-so-many-stories/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=one-picture-so-many-stories

“Pancakes!” How to start writing for wellbeing with the little random stories about life

3 April 2020 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

This post is for everyone who’d like to have a go at writing for their own interest and enjoyment but hasn’t known how to start. The following is a suggested way forward, take from it what you will. A little bit more about me and my book-writing at the bottom.

Morning pages

A method taken from Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way”, this is what got me started on using writing in my own life. Either first thing in the morning, or last thing at night, when you are able to have some private space and time to yourself (I know this isn’t always possible but try to if you can). All you need is some blank A4 paper and a pen. Make sure you are sitting comfortably, take a few moments to concentrate on your breathing, notice any feelings of tension and just allow yourself to relax and let go as you breathe. Once you feel ready to start writing, put pen to paper and just write whatever comes. Don’t stop to think if it is right or wrong, or to correct anything, just allow your pen to wander across the page. If you can’t think of anything to write, then just write “I don’t know what to write, I don’t know what to write” and keep repeating it until your own words slip onto the page. Keep going until you have filled three pages of A4 paper. This method gets you used to just writing without censoring anything, without thinking about whether it is being written in the right way or not. Try doing it once a day for a few days and continue if you wish. You may be surprised at what ends up on the page … the one thing there should not be is crossings out! Once you have mastered this, you are ready to go onto the next stage.

Timed writing

This is something that I learnt while attending a creative writing class. I now use this method regularly at our weekly writing group meetings. Set a timer for 5 minutes (I use a colourful triple egg-timer but you can set your phone alarm, stopwatch etc.) You can decide on a topic, anything of your choice. This morning my friend in Scotland asked me for a writing prompt and I ended up saying “Pancakes” because we had a conversation the other day about them and it just popped back into my head. So if you would like to use this same topic I would love to hear your stories if you would like to share them with me. You may start off thinking about Pancakes but end up in a totally different place … that doesn’t matter and is entirely what is so fascinating about the process. So … once you have your topic write it at the top of your page. Then just start the timer for 5 minutes and start writing. Don’t correct yourself, just write. It is a good idea to have tried writing “morning pages” a few times so you get used to writing without correcting yourself or worrying about grammar, spelling or punctuation. This is about bringing out stories from you, your life, memories, thoughts today, hopes for the future without being judged or criticised. To use writing to communicate with yourself and as a way of sharing your stories with others.

Start a journal

Find a scrapbook, photo album, large notebook or whatever you might have to hand, it may be an old diary or just plain A4 paper that you can keep in a file, and choose a time each day to write about your daily life. This can be very practical, just putting down the facts, or you can choose to go deeper and write about your internal thoughts and feelings. You can add sketches, stick in cut out pictures that you like, anything you feel like that says something about your day. You can decide to do this daily or whenever you feel like it so that there is no pressure, it is something to enjoy. Let it take you wherever you wish, you can talk about past memories, what is happening now or your dreams for the future. You can add complete pieces of writing such as that done as morning pages or timed writing. You can stick an envelope in the journal and use this as a pocket for this writing or you can extract quotes, writing these into your journal. Enjoy!

Life Happens, Live Happy … and start a blog!

However you are feeling in this moment, writing can take you on a personal journey that may surprise you. It has therapeutic benefits and is something you can do anywhere with very little resources. In 2015 I was seriously ill with leukaemia. Writing became my saviour, providing me with a focus during my treatment. This current situation that the world finds itself in has brought that time back to me and made me realise that, although I have continued to write and have been running Life Story Writing groups in the community, there is something about blogging that really helped me as there was no pressure. People could choose to read my posts if they wished and it was a really good feeling when I was able to connect with people across the world. Life takes over and my blogging has been sporadic. Eventually I wrote my book” Life Happens, Live Happy” which is the story behind this blog. I have reduced the price on Amazon to £0.99p for the Kindle version (it is free for those those who subscribe to Kindle Unlimited). I believe that there are things in it that may be of help to others during this time, especially to be inspired to start writing their own stories about life.

I am now writing a new book, “Writing back to Happiness”, this is a work-in-progress and a collaboration with my wonderful small writing group that I was meeting with each week until this situation unexpectedly happened. It will explain how I use an empowering life coaching approach to inspire people to write the little random stories about their life and to share them with others, with the many diverse conversations that arise from this.

Keep well, keep safe and I express my gratitude for everyone out there that is supporting the world in roles that are essential to our health and wellbeing at this surreal time. If you are struggling, and notice your mood dropping, it can help to focus on the little things that we are grateful for in our lives, listing these, writing them down, can help lift our mood when we may be struggling to cope with what life has thrown at us. Life Happens, Live Happy … and connect with others through writing and sharing your stories about the little things in life that bring you joy.

Kay xxx

My day of unknown delight – trees, squirrels and chocolate

2 July 20152 July 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / 2 Comments

Yesterday morning I wrote two lines on a fresh page in a notebook:

‘Unknown Delight

What awaits the day ahead’

I was perhaps hoping that a poem would follow. Instead, I was distracted by the beautiful sky view from my bedroom window. It was 5.30 am. I had to get up early to catch a train to London to see a specialist consultant. I was so worried about oversleeping that I set numerous alarms and then woke up before them all. I reflected on the day ahead – what would I be told? What effect would it have on me? I had tried not to think too hard about it. So instead I was energised by the early morning sun, looking forward to my outing.

When I arrived at the station it was 7.00 am, the unusually deep heat of the sun was beating down on me. Apparently today was the hottest day for 9 years according to my daughter. The station was peaceful as the silent commuters marched to their favoured positions, aligning themselves with the anticipated spot where the train doors would be. I wondered if I would get a seat but there were plenty.

After one change of train, I arrived at my destination. On the way to the hospital I discovered a park which I decided to explore later. I found the staff and visitors restaurant and had a quick breakfast. It was not a place I wished to linger. It was hot, stuffy and surprisingly small for the size of hospital. My local hospital has a pleasant cafe with an outdoor terrace where I can enjoy reading a book with a milky foam-topped glass of hot chocolate.

I had time to return to the park before my appointment. The grass was dappled with light and shade and I was surrounded by the most beautiful large trees. It was an oasis in the midst of the city, with the traffic steaming past. I wandered awhile and came across some squirrels darting through the branches and scooting down the trunks and across the leafy emerald grass. I took a few photos before making my way back through the park. I discovered a charity there that encourages trees in the city. There was a gigantic weeping willow tree dominating an area designated for growing new trees, and next to that there was a community vegetable garden that anyone could get involved in. I knew nothing of region, on the outskirts of London, and It felt that I had just discovered an area where community development was embedded in the environment.

Somewhat reluctantly I left the park and attended my appointment. With relief, I came away feeling positive and, whilst there is still some way to go, I now had something of a plan and an end in sight towards normality.

With the intensity of heat, I decided to catch the train towards home straightaway and stop-off at a favourite shopping centre rather than head towards the centre of London to explore the sights. I ventured into the divine up-market chocolate shop and savoured a free meltingly delicious concoction that purported to be a cocktail. Hints of lime, mint and a kick of alcohol lingered on my tongue. I wanted to return for another but guilt moved me on.

After a while ambling around the cool indoor shopping precinct, I was hit by a wall of hot air as I entered the High Street and haphazardly made my way back to the station, buying a pale pink straw hat that provided my head with yet another different look and checking out furniture and wallpaper as I’m trying to give my home a bit of a makeover.

Back on the train, I pulled out my book and tried to get into the new story I am reading. It was just not happening. It is one of the early books of a popular author that I have enjoyed so am hoping I will soon be engrossed. I felt relaxed and calm, enjoying life day by day. That’s how I see it, a day at a time, and it makes life so fulfilling. Each day is different and so much happens.

I ended the day sitting out in the garden till late, feeling refreshed by the softness of the warm night breeze and watching the moon and the stars above. Always such a magical moment.

Photo hint of me in Tenby, Wales

8 June 20158 June 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

Having a relaxing day and just come across photo below taken last year on a rail trip to Wales. I sat on this balcony terrace outside a cafe and sat writing my journal. It was such a beautiful day (despite the clouds!)