Paradice

31 January 201631 January 2016 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

I just came across this poem I wrote some years ago when I was in my bedroom looking down onto the snowy urban landscape around me, stuck at home and unable to travel as the roads were so treacherous.

PARADICE

There’s nowhere I can go
you spread your blanket high
I’m trapped within this box
and I don’t have any socks

How can it really be
you flutter from the sky
it makes this life so hard
and we’ve taken down our guard

We never are prepared
you make us really sigh
it brings us to a halt
and we’ve used up all the salt

Then suddenly it comes
to those that do not cry
it takes away the stress
and don’t even have to dress

We’re stranded here at home
with no-one coming by
it brings such wondrous calm
and don’t come to any harm

There’s some that have a go
don’t stop to think of why
it may be hard to see
and they may just hit a tree

We ventured for a walk
you felt so very dry
the world it did stand still
and with magic we did chill

Laughter rippled through us
a warm tear filled the eye
with luck did surely dice
and we fell for paradice

Notebook Memories from my Garage (1)

21 September 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

When I was out on my daytime travels the other day, I visited a garden centre and they had an inviting display of fruit and vegetables. Bramley apples caught my eye and I recalled memories of an apple cake I had made many years ago when I attended a cookery class with my mum in my twenties. So, with that in mind, yesterday I went out to my garage book shelf to retrieve the notebooks I had kept for so many years, along with other old recipes I had collected since that time.

Just a brief glance reminded me of close friends we used to meet up with regularly, trying out different three course meals on each other. At the time I collected a Cordon Bleu magazine course so many of the recipes for our dinners often came from this. Sadly, broken relationships lead to related joint friendships being lost and only the memories, and the recipes such as Black Forest Gateaux, remain.

I will be sharing some of the recipes, and other memories, in future posts.

Enjoy your day.

Kay

Reminiscing by the Estuary Coast – Allhallows, Kent

15 September 201515 September 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / 2 Comments

The other day I had to go to a doctor’s appointment at a different location. So, unplanned, it took me near somewhere I used to spend much time and of where I have very special memories. So I decided to take a detour.

It was our weekend escape to stay in a caravan and I was able to write in peace and walk along the coast with the sea breeze blowing through my hair. There were many precious family times, fun and laughter. It was also our temporary home in between house moves in the freezing cold of winter. I never forget the first time I saw it, emerging over the brow of a hill with the panorama of the estuary coast on a beautiful sunny day.

Forced to Reflect – chemo and pancakes – including recipe for Strawberry Pancakes with Fresh Apricot and Caramel Sauce

23 July 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

Forced to Reflect

In my mind, the words force and reflect do not sit well together. Forced is negative, being made to do something against one’s will, whereas reflection brings to mind a calm place with ample time to look back in a positive way on memories. What brings me to think of these words together? I have had a couple of months off treatment, which has taken me to a wonderful place where I have enjoyed life, had renewed energy, been able to think about the future, my hair has regrown to a point where I actually like my new short style. I began to feel that I was in a false state of wellness as I knew that my next cycle of treatment was imminent. Last week I had the dreaded call, resulting in dates for this week. I have tried to keep positive, not to think back on the difficult and challenging time that I have had since January.

Yesterday, as the clear ultramarine blue liquid dripped into me, I thought ‘what a beautiful colour’. One of the nurses who knew me quite well from my spell in the high dependency unit joked about me turning into a smurf. Her smile reminded me of the kindness and care she had shown me back in that dark place. Another nurse smiled brightly, commenting on how unbelievably well I looked compared to that time when I was lying in bed, hardly able to move, being turned throughout the night and losing the use of my legs through lack of mobility. I got through that time. I can do it again, I may not even go there.

Here I am discussing my treatment, what this blog was not to be about. But this blog is saving me, it is giving me hope. It is enabling me to achieve goals at a time when I felt that time was running out. Each day is precious, I enjoy my life with my wonderful family and friends. I have been blessed with a beautiful warm summer that is delightful. Yesterday when I was going for my treatment, my eldest daughter visited and we went out to my favourite new local cafe for lunch. I once wanted to run a tearoom – it was to be called ‘Pebbles” and would be right beside the sea. One side was to be the cafe with special gifts and books for sale, the other side was to be a place for quiet contemplation, with artwork to view and books available, and the opportunity for either one to one support or small group workshops with a coaching theme. I gain satisfaction from seeing what other’s are able to accomplish. The cafe I mention is run by a young girl seemingly living her dream and very successful with it. Who knows where life will take her, I know nothing of her history. I have never owned a tearoom but I have been able to achieve the essence of my dream by organising special intergenerational tea party events, holding workshops and training in the community and organising an art competition – all while working in my dream job working for a local charity.

I started this post early today and now it is late evening and I am reflecting back. I return to the local cafe. The first time I visited it was with a friend. We chose from the breakfast menu and I had the most scrumptious fluffy American blueberry pancakes piled high, with fresh blueberries floating in warm maple syrup. All thought of taking photos for my blog went out of my head as I dived in, so the photo shown here was an afterthought. This experience led me to look up recipes and try one out with my new mixer that I treated myself to. I was really pleased with the results and we had them with cinnamon sugar. Yummy. So this morning, as my daughter had stayed over, I decided to make them again. The first round was drizzled with tangy fresh lemon juice with cinnamon sugar. For the second round, I thought I’d try something different and I made the most wonderful fresh apricot sauce with strawberries. I was gutted that I forgot to take a photo so will have to make them again specially and take a really good photo. But I wanted to include what I did here anyway. So, a quick recipe.

Strawberry Pancakes with fresh apricot caramel sauce

Use your favourite recipe for American fluffy pancakes – if you have never made them there are many to choose from online. The one I make uses 200 g self-raising flour, 200 ml milk, 2 eggs and 1 tsp honey. The eggs are separated first. Then mix the flour, milk, egg yolks and honey together with a fork until thick and smooth, but not for too long. Whisk the egg whites until thick and firm and then fold into the pancake mixture until all the white has mixed in. Melt butter in a thick frying pan and when it is sizzling spoon dollops of the mixture, spaced out. (At this point I add some chopped strawberries, quickly sprinkling a few pieces over the top of each pancake first and then gently pressing them down with the back of a large spoon before the tops of the pancakes become too set. The pancakes are then flipped over once golden to cook the fruity side until lightly golden.)

To make the apricot caramel sauce (quantities for 2 servings only) and the amazingly flavoursome whole strawberries that top it all, peel and chop 2 fresh apricots and wash and hull 4 fresh strawberries. Place the chopped apricots and whole strawberries in a heavy based pan, I use stainless steel, with 3-4 teaspoons of caster sugar. Do not add any liquid. Heat gently, stirring occasionally. The apricots will start to soften and the sugar melt, becoming a lumpy golden sauce. You will smell a slight caramel scent. Do not allow to boil. Continue to stir just for a few minutes. I stopped when I noticed the caramel smell start to change and placed the base of the saucepan in water for a few seconds to stop the sauce from continuing to cook, so it didn’t become bitter caramel. On tasting, there is a hint of caramel flavour which blends beautifully with the fresh apricots and I served it warm. The whole strawberries will be cooked through but remain firm, and their flavour is really intensified.

So today, my second day of treatment, we enjoyed a home cooked, satisfying and delicious breakfast. What a treat! It reminds me that I must cook more, something I used to do a lot of and have the recipe books to prove it in my garage library. It also gives me something else to photo and blog on here. So, forced to reflect? Yes, but to me, reflection ends in a positive and turns the world around.

Possessions, memories and how to approach clutterless living unique to you

7 July 20157 July 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / 2 Comments

Copyright 2015, Cajsa Lilliehook, Flickr, CC-BY-SA, via Wylio

Following on from my last post on Selfness, here is another piece of draft writing from the same book (self-development/coaching).

‘Clutterless < — > Tidyness

I have had a long struggle with ‘clutter’ – I hold on to things for too long that I may never need. I now recognise that there is little value in this, apart from saving a few pennies or pounds in the distant future at the expense of living a cluttered existence. If there is too much clutter, housework takes too long and becomes an unwelcome chore.

There has been much written on being clutterfree but some of this can be over-the-top, and lead to having a de-personalised space which is great for a showhouse but is it really a home?

At one time, I felt rebellious about clutterbusting. Having had to downsize, I had no option than to sell or dispose of many items, some of which I still have regrets about. Thankfully I did not rid myself completely of some of the smaller boxes containing various bits and pieces. I later went through these and as I picked up a piece, I would recall a special person or time in my life. Having a poor memory for some things, these triggers are invaluable and I am so thankful that I still have them in my life.

The key is to achieve a balance between possessions and space, with each possession having a place. This leads to being clutterless (as opposed to clutterfree), keeps the space tidy and results in a personalised environment that is special to you.

Periodically I enjoy spending time sifting through a selection of my possessions to check that I still want to keep them, or to organise them in a better way. This works for me. I have found that by decorating a room in a way that brings me pleasure, then choosing storage solutions that complement that environment, I am able to keep the things that I love in a way that adds to my contentment in my home.

My problem is that I still buy things and bring them into the home. I get pleasure from browsing in charity shops and strolling round boot fairs, disastrous for adding to clutter! But I enjoy it, and therefore my sifting has become a regular occurrence to keep balance within the home. The benefits are that this process can be done mindfully. (A topic for another post.)

Here are a few tips for becoming clutterless:

Spend random times – perhaps in the evenings or at week-ends – going through a shelf, drawer or cupboard. What works for me, if I am not motivated but want to sort something out, is to set a timer for 20 minutes and make an agreement with myself that after 20 minutes I can be done. Oftentimes I am by then enjoying myself and get lost in the task, carrying on longer and achieving more, with a sense of satisfaction from the end result.
Draw up your own criteria for keeping things. My own is that an item either gives pleasure, is useful now or within the next year, has memories or some other reason that I can justify to myself for keeping it. Books are my downfall – yet they are such treasures. Also clothes. I do hold on to a lot of clothes, even though I apply the sifting process, but if they are well-organised then I don’t see it as a problem.
Decide what storage you want and get it. It doesn’t have to cost a lot. There are lots of cheap shelving options out there, or colourful boxes and filing systems. The choice is yours. I have a bed with wonderful drawers which take a surprising amount.
Question what you are keeping ‘because it may be of use some day’. My experience is that it is the things with memories, special things that people have given me, that I have missed. Those without memories are soon forgotten, and if you don’t need them then the likelihood is that you will not miss them. Amongst my regrets are my food mixer and food processor that I had for many years. I was in for a shock when I saw the replacement cost. So, think twice before sifting too far!
Think about what you really enjoy in your life. Consider your values and keep the things that enhance your life. Let go of those you will never use and just leave you with feelings of guilt that you should have done something with them.

Accept your level of clutterlessness and enjoy.’

This piece was written a few years back. If you have read my recent post on Clutter-busting, it will be clear that I have not completely solved the clutter problem. It remains something which varies according to my health, energy and motivation.

At the risk of sounding a bit weird, a conversation and youtube watching session with my daughter on shopping hauls gave me the idea of playing around with my new computer videoing a garage book haul. I took a block of ten books off my shelf unit in my garage and recorded myself going through them and talking about them and what I found interesting. I was hoping that by doing this I would at least find something that I no longer wanted. I was wrong … it just reinforced my choice to keep them. And the potential youtube video? It was a learning experience – for a start it was too slow, I was swinging to and fro on my chair – very distracting – and it seemed so false! There’s certainly work to be done if I want to join my daughter in becoming a youtuber (something she wants to do but not yet and would be great if we could both get involved).

By the way, for those that have read my post on Clutter-busting, as part of my garage plan I was researching the cost of skips at the week-end only to find that local skip hire companies are exceptionally secretive about their fees meaning that a few phone calls were needed. Well today I contacted some and was slightly horrified at the cost. Then I looked at the van hire and somehow the skip seemed more appealing. However, even just working out that plan got me motivated to make a start on sorting the garage out, even if it wasn’t according to the plan I devised. I’ve made a start on working through it.

As a last thought, I think being part of this blogging community is really helping to motivate and inspire me. When it comes to the home, I particularly like Le Zoe Musings which has such beautiful photos which include a selection of closet solutions. Blogging has opened up a whole new world to me at a time when the world might otherwise have seemed to be getting smaller.

Memory of Love – Jewel in our hearts

27 June 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

Unblocking creativity and releasing inspiration – 10 minute writing challenge (2 of 2)

25 June 201525 June 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

Copyright 2013 Miguel Virkkuhen Carvalho, Flickr, CC-BY, via Wylio

This 10 minute writing exercise was written four days after the last one posted yesterday, back in January of this year when I was in hospital. It was a very emotional time yet at the same time my emotions were somewhat on hold, still struggling somewhere with my new situation in life, having just been diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia – a fast-acting life threatening form of cancer. Fortunately the final report revealed that I had the type APL (Acute Promyelocytic Leukaemia) which has the best prognosis.

‘Let anything come to light. Light, sun, shade, depths. My favourite colours. Pink and turquoise. Where are they now? The luminescence of my favourite pink is in my hand leading this waltz of writing. Waltz – music is within me yet it has evaded me. The song of life, the thrill of it all. The lilting sound of creativity. Creativity is to be found all around – or is it? I need to search it out, to wallow in it and bring it back to life. Life, it keeps coming up. This new, unexpected venture. How does it feel to be here? But I am not ‘here’. I am soothing my soul to do something special with creativity. There is so much around, but where is it hiding. I am on a journey and that journey is just finding me. I must avoid the logic. That is not what this is for. Storytelling was my aim and that can stay with me. I will write a short story, one that wings in from the sky above. One that I don’t think hard about, it just comes to me. Will it be real? There will be more than one – but fantasy is what breathes through my veins. A new light. Get caught up in the colour that comes to me. Take inspiration from all that has come to be in this vessel of a room. The cards and gifts. Where am I? I am with heart. I am loving life. All is not lost it is within me. To find the light and the story. To have music in my mind. To love and to laugh. To write music is a gift that I can bring to this time. I am soaring through the sky in Florida. Such a wonderful and special time. The cool air brushing through my hair as I swirl through the clouds like a swan sweeping across the ocean.’

Time to Play – poem written 2010 (inspired by anxiety/depression following post concussion syndrome)

22 June 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

Copyright 2008 Hartwig HKD, Flickr, CC-BY-ND, via Wylio

In 2009 I slipped on ice in my back garden. My legs must have flipped up as I became horizontal and landed flat on my back. At the time it was as if it was happening in slow motion, I recall suddenly looking up at the clouds – seemingly in a lying down position – and wondering what was happening. Then there was a hard thud as the back of my head hit the ground. The end result was post concussion syndrome which resulted in extreme anxiety followed by depression. This poem was written at that time.

TIME TO PLAY

Sitting here the thoughts surround me

Memories I have for sure

Dragging me along the pathway

Thinking that there is no cure

Draining troughs of useless power

Taking all I have to give

Wish that I could be away now

Heal the hurt that’s like a sieve

Letting all the goodness leave me

Giving me a woolly head

Save me from this awful feeling

Keeping me still in my bed

Let the waves of colour surface

Brighten up the newborn day

Fill me with a breath of gladness

So that I may find my way

Life is like a roller coaster

Scared is what I have become

Spread my wings and take me forward

Lift this life so wearysome

Help me see that there are rainbows

Spread with dreams along the way

There is love and laughter waiting

Sitting there amongst the hay

Oblivion – poem

14 June 201514 June 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

Copyright 2008 David Ohmer, Flickr, CC-BY, via Wylio

I wrote this poem when I was attending a creative writing course in 2013. It was at this time that I learnt about different types of poems and editing. It was my first (and only!) attempt at a Villanelle style of poem. Most of my poems have been written spontaneously and rarely edited. I’d love to know what you think.

OBLIVION

Across the trapway looming dwellings queue

I struggle with thoughts of others’ feeling

Shimmering isle inspired by blue depth hue

Eery emptiness fakes tempting trespass

I’m drawn to chance the shake of such stepping

Across the trapway looming dwellings queue

Furtive steps melt along the curving path

I feel the heat of the orange glowing

Shimmering isle inspired by blue depth hue

Hidden echoes of the privileged few

I hear aching voices softly calling