The following is a piece of journal writing that I found while sorting out papers from my first year at University. I really did get myself into a bit of a state over how much reading I thought I needed to do and it was beginning to become something that would stop me enjoying what to me was a dream come true to be at University. Sometimes we need to just step back and reflect on our feelings about things that are troubling us and get them in perspective. I also discovered there’s a lot of support out there for students.
I have lots of happy memories from my first year at University in 2013/14 as a mature student. The photo was taken on holiday in Devon, England during a wonderful walk on Dartmoor when we met up with these beautiful Dartmoor ponies.
‘FIGHTING AGAINST THE SYSTEM – FINDING MY WAY
Tuesday, 1 October 2013
Last week was walking on air, this week anxiety has crept in. I’m here to learn. I knew there would be lots of books. But I can’t read! Well, I can read – I know my abc – but I can’t read lots and recall. Yesterday got really stressed when I looked at the never-ending book lists that seemed to go on forever. And I have to read them all! It’s important! Of course I have to read them all – except the small number of optional – elst why would they be optional? I can feel myself dipping, lurching, wilting. And it’s only day 1 of week 1. Tasters and freshers over. This is reality. But I love to learn. It’s enthralling, exciting, inspiring. Yet how do I learn if I can’t read the books??
Today, my answer is, by being me. I’ve lived long enough and delved deep enough to know that I learn and create in unique ways. Probably that’s the key word, create. I am creative in mind. Is it no wonder that I can’t follow systems to the letter? Routine is dull, orders are dull. I need colour, variety, flexibility, spontaneity, adventure. I need to go wherever I feel in the moment. Even I know that’s not reality and I soon swing in with all the rest. Yet when the freedom to learn becomes rigidly fixed in my mind, that’s when I have to find my own way. I have the passion, commitment, desire, inquiring mind, ambition to follow through with my path in my own way. I just need to give myself permission in this world of self-study, self-responsibility, self-organisation to follow the path less travelled – in fact to take the rough ground whenever I feel as sometimes the most magnificent scenes come into our lives when we trust in life and our ability to survive and grow.’
4 thoughts on “Take the rough ground: fighting the system – finding my own way (journal writing 2013 on starting University)”
I could totally relate to this; probably most college students can. On my Shakespearean Theater I am required to read 5 tragedies, 3 comedies, and 2 sonnets to be discussed on Wednesday. I can only imagine the sleepless nights I’d spend.
And I thought I had enough… Shakespeare must be really difficult to have to read so many and understand sufficiently to have a discussion. Good luck!
Professors can be funny sometimes; they give you loads to study in a very short period of time. But who am I to complain? I’d gone to college solely to learn. And thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes me too and I love learning … That’s why I didn’t want to spoil it by how I was getting worked up about it. Just taking a step back and reflecting makes such a difference. Have a good day. Kay