Selfness – Writing, Coaching and Authenticity

Copyright 2015 Kay/wavesandpebbles

Copyright 2015 Kay/wavesandpebbles

I have come across the start of some draft writing I did a few years back on self-development and life coaching. The following is an extract.

Guiltless <—> Selfness

Do you want to make a difference to YOUR life?  Do you want to think about yourself and your needs?  If you find this difficult, are you always putting the needs of other people before you?  There is no need to feel guilty.  This is not being selfish.  Empower yourself to improve your own life by realising that your needs and wants are important.  If you have family or are caring for someone else, they may rely on you.  For you to give of your best, you need to be in the best place to do this.  Not only does this make you a better person, it makes life worth living for YOU and everyone you care for or have a relationship with benefits too.  Your relationships with other people will improve, you will feel calm, relaxed, having an increased sense of well-being.’

At the time, I thought I had made up the words Guiltless and Selfness. I  have since discovered that they are in fact words and sums up the meanings.

A person’s essential individuality
(archaic) Selfishness; self-regard

Having no guilt; innocent

The meaning of guiltless is pretty obvious.  When related to the idea of selfness, it is about not feeling guilty when thinking about yourself and your needs when you think other’s needs are more important.  As can be seen from the definitions, the meaning of selfness has changed over time.  It did mean that someone was being selfish.  When I read what it means now – a person’s essential individuality – it fits well with what I have written.  Authenticity is a word that comes to mind and being true to oneself.  Knowing what you value in life and observing them when making life choices. It is not just what your values are but the way in which you prioritise them – this can be the subject of a future post.

What is important is that if you are true to yourself and your needs, then you will be a happier person better placed to have successful relationships and able to care for others.  So think about your selfness – and what you need to do for YOU to improve your own well-being and happiness.

  • In writing this post I have opened up a whole new world of what Selfness is by having a quick Google.  I think I need hours, days or more to give it justice but you may like to have a look yourself if you are interested in the concept.

The Trapped Butterfly – Poem

Copyright 2009 Donald Duss, Flickr, CC-BY, via Wylio

Copyright 2009 Donald Duss, Flickr, CC-BY, via Wylio


The following poem was written in 2010.  A woman I had met in Brighton had talked about being a trapped butterfly and other things she spoke about encouraged me to get on and write my book.  Yes, even back then I had the intention to write a book – maybe 2015 will be the year!  I have recently made a start on two books – one is a fiction story based in Brighton which I started writing a couple of weeks ago.  The second is a book on Memories and Creativity which I started writing today.  I have made many ‘starts’ over the years – I just have to keep the momentum up and see it through …  Anyway, here is my poem.

The Trapped Butterfly


Thoughts of freedom fill her mind

not knowing what to do

She cannot leave it all behind

to find that something new


Life has done it once again

entrapped her in its web

Amongst it all it is the men

that cause a constant ebb


The journey has been happy

it has not been all bad

Such gifts there’ve been for all to see

yet now she feels so sad


The spiders web surrounds her

it’s not a pretty sight

And nothing feels the way things were

so taking all the might


Yet through her fragile being

comes wonder and such light

That lifts and is so healing

she’s not giving up the fight


To break through all the limits

and fly to reach the sky

To take a look to where he sits

with not a tearful eye


So from this day now forward

she knows what she must do

To lift her high as like a bird

and give a happy coo


A butterfly is special

it flutters here and there

But her wish is now to settle

with one that wants to share


And the choices that she makes

are hers and hers alone

And it will be for all their sakes

though some of them may moan


Time is slipping through her wings

the moment is now here

To feel the joys of all life brings

there’s nothing now to fear

Tonight is the night all my dreams come true – Love Poem

Copyright 2008 Sabrina Campagna, Flickr, CC-BY, via Wylio

Copyright 2008 Sabrina Campagna, Flickr, CC-BY, via Wylio


Tonight is the night all my dreams come true

As you eagerly search for the four leafed clover
Amongst the softness of the lush emerald grass
The suns rays sprinkle the angels’ dust of love

When the magical starlight haze glimmers in the night sea sky
The warm bond of hugs nestles in the midnight breeze
And memories of a distant fountain spread everlasting joy

Special feelings are shared silently as the soft moon
Glows through the majestic bridge
And a time recalled when two languages declared their love

Standing forever caught in a tangled maze
Never reaching the point when two hearts join forever
Lost happiness as the twist of fate rips all hope aside

Yet tonight is an open book
The story unwritten
Our world is there to find

Perfection is an illusion
Yet the mystical journey to the dream can be shared
And all the special tender moments make all the days apart worthwhile

All there is to do is smile and believe it can be
Allow the chance to be free
To share a blessed and loving journey of life in its entirety

Tonight is the night all my dreams come true

River of Gold – poem on graduation

Copyright 2013 Kinshuk Kashyap, Flickr, CC-BY, via Wylio

Copyright 2013 Kinshuk Kashyap, Flickr, CC-BY, via Wylio

I wrote this poem on the train en route to my son’s graduation back in 2011.




A droplet in the ocean

no different than the rest

The world is filled with motion

yet there seems no special quest


There’s such a special journey

for one that is so small

A ripple, one of many

some are heading for a fall


Life gives them such a blessing

with gifts for all to seek

Within is where they’re hiding

and the secret is to peek


Search for true hidden talents

the playful ones count too

Don’t let them say it’s nonsense

deep inside you have the cue


To learn the many reasons

for this and that and how

Till knowledge is the river

leads to taking such a bow


The prize is yours forever

to take you far and wide

The river it is golden

rippling ever more with pride

Journal find Summer 2014 – poetic lines written following spiritual experience by the sea

Copyright 2013 Matthew Hartley, Flickr, CC-BY, via Wylio

Copyright 2013 Matthew Hartley, Flickr, CC-BY, via Wylio

Just found these words scribbled on their own following journal entries on a very special visit to Tenby in Wales, a lovely place.

Happiness draws me through the tunnel of light

the whispers so precious have given me fight

Where will it take me?  Oh I know not for sure

but now it’s life’s journey, so precious, so pure

Ward Wedding – a lasting memory of a brave young woman

Copyright 2007 Steve Jurvetson, Flickr, CC-BY, via Wylio

Copyright 2007 Steve Jurvetson, Flickr, CC-BY, via Wylio

I was recently back on the cancer care ward for three weeks (home again now, thankfully).  One day there was increased activity in the morning and it turned out a wedding was to take place for a patient.  My first thoughts, how lovely that this was happening, followed by the sad realisation of why.  So it was with mixed emotions that I witnessed the preparations, and the guests and bridesmaids going to and fro throughout the day.  I caught a glimpse of the young bride in a wheelchair on her way to the ceremony that was taking place in the day room, where guests could spill out into the private enclosed garden.

The happy atmosphere filtered through the ward until the evening, yet it remained a private affair.  It must have been such an emotional roller coaster for everyone involved.  I thought how wonderful it was that the wedding had been possible, providing lasting happy memories particularly for her young family.  I thought of the young woman being able to experience such a special occasion with her family and friends, knowing that she had little time left.

There is no doubt that my emotions were heightened on that day and It has stayed with me.  It has since caused me to reflect on how people spend months and often tens of thousands of pounds planning a wedding, yet the most important and special part of a wedding are the people brought together for the occasion.  A wedding is an occasion to be celebrated and enjoyed in the moment, with memories to last a lifetime for everyone involved.

Creativity takes us to a special place

Copyright 2011 Chris Wells, Flickr, CC-BY-SA, via Wylio

Copyright 2011 Chris Wells, Flickr, CC-BY-SA, via Wylio

Creativity takes us to a special place – a place where we become lost, engrossed in our chosen path.  The stresses of life melt away, solutions surface to be put aside for later.  We are blessed with frozen time in which to savour the simple gifts life offers.


Random Ramblings: Vision and Happiness Quotes

Going through some of my old notes, I came across a quote which resonated with me at the time, which I now discover is by American Joel A. Barker, Futurist, Author, Lecturer and Film Maker (


Vision without action is merely a dream

Action without vision just passes the time

Vision with action can change the world


This applies to our own personal worlds.  We can have dreams that lead to goals and by taking action we can change our own worlds.

Another quote I have stumbled upon in my files by John Butler Yeats written in a letter in 1909 (


And happiness … What is it?  I say it is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing or that, but simply growth.  We are happy when we are growing.


Growing involves learning, increasing our knowledge and having new experiences.  Does blogging make you happy?  We are developing our writing skills and learning new things from other bloggers, does this lead to personal growth and happiness?  Does it help us achieve our goals or does it distract us from them?