I have come across the start of some draft writing I did a few years back on self-development and life coaching. The following is an extract.
‘Guiltless <—> Selfness
Do you want to make a difference to YOUR life? Do you want to think about yourself and your needs? If you find this difficult, are you always putting the needs of other people before you? There is no need to feel guilty. This is not being selfish. Empower yourself to improve your own life by realising that your needs and wants are important. If you have family or are caring for someone else, they may rely on you. For you to give of your best, you need to be in the best place to do this. Not only does this make you a better person, it makes life worth living for YOU and everyone you care for or have a relationship with benefits too. Your relationships with other people will improve, you will feel calm, relaxed, having an increased sense of well-being.’
At the time, I thought I had made up the words Guiltless and Selfness. I have since discovered that they are in fact words and oxforddictionaries.com sums up the meanings.
A person’s essential individuality
(archaic) Selfishness; self-regard
Having no guilt; innocent
The meaning of guiltless is pretty obvious. When related to the idea of selfness, it is about not feeling guilty when thinking about yourself and your needs when you think other’s needs are more important. As can be seen from the definitions, the meaning of selfness has changed over time. It did mean that someone was being selfish. When I read what it means now – a person’s essential individuality – it fits well with what I have written. Authenticity is a word that comes to mind and being true to oneself. Knowing what you value in life and observing them when making life choices. It is not just what your values are but the way in which you prioritise them – this can be the subject of a future post.
What is important is that if you are true to yourself and your needs, then you will be a happier person better placed to have successful relationships and able to care for others. So think about your selfness – and what you need to do for YOU to improve your own well-being and happiness.
- In writing this post I have opened up a whole new world of what Selfness is by having a quick Google. I think I need hours, days or more to give it justice but you may like to have a look yourself if you are interested in the concept.