Possessions, memories and how to approach clutterless living unique to you

7 July 20157 July 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / 2 Comments

Copyright 2015, Cajsa Lilliehook, Flickr, CC-BY-SA, via Wylio

Following on from my last post on Selfness, here is another piece of draft writing from the same book (self-development/coaching).

‘Clutterless < — > Tidyness

I have had a long struggle with ‘clutter’ – I hold on to things for too long that I may never need. I now recognise that there is little value in this, apart from saving a few pennies or pounds in the distant future at the expense of living a cluttered existence. If there is too much clutter, housework takes too long and becomes an unwelcome chore.

There has been much written on being clutterfree but some of this can be over-the-top, and lead to having a de-personalised space which is great for a showhouse but is it really a home?

At one time, I felt rebellious about clutterbusting. Having had to downsize, I had no option than to sell or dispose of many items, some of which I still have regrets about. Thankfully I did not rid myself completely of some of the smaller boxes containing various bits and pieces. I later went through these and as I picked up a piece, I would recall a special person or time in my life. Having a poor memory for some things, these triggers are invaluable and I am so thankful that I still have them in my life.

The key is to achieve a balance between possessions and space, with each possession having a place. This leads to being clutterless (as opposed to clutterfree), keeps the space tidy and results in a personalised environment that is special to you.

Periodically I enjoy spending time sifting through a selection of my possessions to check that I still want to keep them, or to organise them in a better way. This works for me. I have found that by decorating a room in a way that brings me pleasure, then choosing storage solutions that complement that environment, I am able to keep the things that I love in a way that adds to my contentment in my home.

My problem is that I still buy things and bring them into the home. I get pleasure from browsing in charity shops and strolling round boot fairs, disastrous for adding to clutter! But I enjoy it, and therefore my sifting has become a regular occurrence to keep balance within the home. The benefits are that this process can be done mindfully. (A topic for another post.)

Here are a few tips for becoming clutterless:

Spend random times – perhaps in the evenings or at week-ends – going through a shelf, drawer or cupboard. What works for me, if I am not motivated but want to sort something out, is to set a timer for 20 minutes and make an agreement with myself that after 20 minutes I can be done. Oftentimes I am by then enjoying myself and get lost in the task, carrying on longer and achieving more, with a sense of satisfaction from the end result.
Draw up your own criteria for keeping things. My own is that an item either gives pleasure, is useful now or within the next year, has memories or some other reason that I can justify to myself for keeping it. Books are my downfall – yet they are such treasures. Also clothes. I do hold on to a lot of clothes, even though I apply the sifting process, but if they are well-organised then I don’t see it as a problem.
Decide what storage you want and get it. It doesn’t have to cost a lot. There are lots of cheap shelving options out there, or colourful boxes and filing systems. The choice is yours. I have a bed with wonderful drawers which take a surprising amount.
Question what you are keeping ‘because it may be of use some day’. My experience is that it is the things with memories, special things that people have given me, that I have missed. Those without memories are soon forgotten, and if you don’t need them then the likelihood is that you will not miss them. Amongst my regrets are my food mixer and food processor that I had for many years. I was in for a shock when I saw the replacement cost. So, think twice before sifting too far!
Think about what you really enjoy in your life. Consider your values and keep the things that enhance your life. Let go of those you will never use and just leave you with feelings of guilt that you should have done something with them.

Accept your level of clutterlessness and enjoy.’

This piece was written a few years back. If you have read my recent post on Clutter-busting, it will be clear that I have not completely solved the clutter problem. It remains something which varies according to my health, energy and motivation.

At the risk of sounding a bit weird, a conversation and youtube watching session with my daughter on shopping hauls gave me the idea of playing around with my new computer videoing a garage book haul. I took a block of ten books off my shelf unit in my garage and recorded myself going through them and talking about them and what I found interesting. I was hoping that by doing this I would at least find something that I no longer wanted. I was wrong … it just reinforced my choice to keep them. And the potential youtube video? It was a learning experience – for a start it was too slow, I was swinging to and fro on my chair – very distracting – and it seemed so false! There’s certainly work to be done if I want to join my daughter in becoming a youtuber (something she wants to do but not yet and would be great if we could both get involved).

By the way, for those that have read my post on Clutter-busting, as part of my garage plan I was researching the cost of skips at the week-end only to find that local skip hire companies are exceptionally secretive about their fees meaning that a few phone calls were needed. Well today I contacted some and was slightly horrified at the cost. Then I looked at the van hire and somehow the skip seemed more appealing. However, even just working out that plan got me motivated to make a start on sorting the garage out, even if it wasn’t according to the plan I devised. I’ve made a start on working through it.

As a last thought, I think being part of this blogging community is really helping to motivate and inspire me. When it comes to the home, I particularly like Le Zoe Musings which has such beautiful photos which include a selection of closet solutions. Blogging has opened up a whole new world to me at a time when the world might otherwise have seemed to be getting smaller.

Selfness – Writing, Coaching and Authenticity

4 July 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

I have come across the start of some draft writing I did a few years back on self-development and life coaching. The following is an extract.

‘Guiltless <—> Selfness

Do you want to make a difference to YOUR life? Do you want to think about yourself and your needs? If you find this difficult, are you always putting the needs of other people before you? There is no need to feel guilty. This is not being selfish. Empower yourself to improve your own life by realising that your needs and wants are important. If you have family or are caring for someone else, they may rely on you. For you to give of your best, you need to be in the best place to do this. Not only does this make you a better person, it makes life worth living for YOU and everyone you care for or have a relationship with benefits too. Your relationships with other people will improve, you will feel calm, relaxed, having an increased sense of well-being.’

At the time, I thought I had made up the words Guiltless and Selfness. I have since discovered that they are in fact words and oxforddictionaries.com sums up the meanings.

Selfness
A person’s essential individuality
(archaic) Selfishness; self-regard

Guiltless
Having no guilt; innocent

The meaning of guiltless is pretty obvious. When related to the idea of selfness, it is about not feeling guilty when thinking about yourself and your needs when you think other’s needs are more important. As can be seen from the definitions, the meaning of selfness has changed over time. It did mean that someone was being selfish. When I read what it means now – a person’s essential individuality – it fits well with what I have written. Authenticity is a word that comes to mind and being true to oneself. Knowing what you value in life and observing them when making life choices. It is not just what your values are but the way in which you prioritise them – this can be the subject of a future post.

What is important is that if you are true to yourself and your needs, then you will be a happier person better placed to have successful relationships and able to care for others. So think about your selfness – and what you need to do for YOU to improve your own well-being and happiness.

In writing this post I have opened up a whole new world of what Selfness is by having a quick Google. I think I need hours, days or more to give it justice but you may like to have a look yourself if you are interested in the concept.

Clutter-busting … I woke as if in a dream and came up with a plan on how to empty my garage in 4 easy steps

4 July 20154 July 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

Copyright 2008, Shane Gorski, Flickr, CC-BY-ND, via Wylio

Suddenly I was awake and felt startled. I had been dreaming – I can’t recall what about now but it felt very real. Now it was light and I thought I had overslept. We would be late for school. I jumped up and looked outside. No activity. Gradually it dawned on me that it was Saturday. Relief swept over me and I relaxed.

Isn’t it strange how, when you get up first thing in the morning, suddenly a problem that’s been hanging over you just suddenly pops into your mind and a potential solution materialises in your thoughts that had never occurred to you before? This was what happened to me this morning so I quickly penned a bullet point plan in case it flew away as quickly as it had landed.

I have a garage-full of ‘stuff’ that needs to be sorted and have either not had the motivation, space, resources or energy to deal with it. It has been there in the background on a ‘to do’ list. Vague discussions with family about taking action one week-end and clearing it, and one attempt about two years ago when we were not quite ready to dispose of the jumbled child equipment and activities, has meant that it still looms behind the doorway.

It is a block to sorting out my life. The remnants of the past. Reminders of good times. At the moment I am on a role. Despite my inability to go very far, being at home has meant that things are gradually happening, I have had the time to focus, make those calls, and get things done.

My eyes have become clearer since being on the verge of becoming a compulsive hoarder a few years ago while suffering from depression. I think I stopped in time. I took stock of the pile of old books that was building before me from addictive visits to charity shops, second hand bookshops and boot fairs. I became fired up to take them to a charity shop that supported a local church where there are memories of my mother. I filled bag after bag and there was a feeling of satisfaction when I delivered them in bulk to the charity shop, knowing that they were going to a good cause that in addition had a link with my mum.

One of the problems is I don’t just want to chuck things away that someone else would benefit from but there is so much (though of no particular value now). We did spend time a couple of years back re-organising the garage. We got rid of the most useless and discovered the odd hidden treasure. Nowadays I sort things into rubbish and charity piles and it goes nowhere near the garage (well, to be honest it’s piled too high now) but the boot of my car is full of items ready to go to charity or recycling that has still not got there.

So … the plan that popped into my head, which may seem very obvious but has never occurred to me before, is to hire a large van big enough to take everything and be able to sort it out inside. We could then take it to a boot fair so that if it could be of use to anyone, then that is an opportunity. Whatever is left can then either go to charity or be disposed of as recycling or rubbish. I have tried selling a few bits online but for me it is a long process, with little reward, and not one that I particularly enjoy after the first feeling of novelty.

So, the plan to clear a garage full of stuff is:

1. Hire a large van for the week-end.
2. Transfer the stuff from the garage to the van, filtering out the obvious rubbish.
3. Go to a boot fair.
4. Remainder goes to (a) charity (b) recycling (c) rubbish

I had thought of a having a skip, but I couldn’t deal with creating a heap of rubbish from many past gifts and memories in such a way. I have seen the delight at a boot fair when a child excitedly finds something that they really want at that moment and my plan encompasses this. However, I will check out the cost of a skip compared with my plan above and make a decision.

So when my garage is empty? Well there are some things in the spare bedroom that we want to keep … and underneath the stairs … on top of my wardrobe … under the bed … in the garden … NO!!!! it’s not going to happen. The garage started off as a place to create, floored and walled, with table and chairs. We even decorated it out and had Christmas Dinner in it one year. Maybe a new use will pop into my head that will inspire me. Anything is possible if you focus and believe it can be done.

My day of unknown delight – trees, squirrels and chocolate

2 July 20152 July 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / 2 Comments

Yesterday morning I wrote two lines on a fresh page in a notebook:

‘Unknown Delight

What awaits the day ahead’

I was perhaps hoping that a poem would follow. Instead, I was distracted by the beautiful sky view from my bedroom window. It was 5.30 am. I had to get up early to catch a train to London to see a specialist consultant. I was so worried about oversleeping that I set numerous alarms and then woke up before them all. I reflected on the day ahead – what would I be told? What effect would it have on me? I had tried not to think too hard about it. So instead I was energised by the early morning sun, looking forward to my outing.

When I arrived at the station it was 7.00 am, the unusually deep heat of the sun was beating down on me. Apparently today was the hottest day for 9 years according to my daughter. The station was peaceful as the silent commuters marched to their favoured positions, aligning themselves with the anticipated spot where the train doors would be. I wondered if I would get a seat but there were plenty.

After one change of train, I arrived at my destination. On the way to the hospital I discovered a park which I decided to explore later. I found the staff and visitors restaurant and had a quick breakfast. It was not a place I wished to linger. It was hot, stuffy and surprisingly small for the size of hospital. My local hospital has a pleasant cafe with an outdoor terrace where I can enjoy reading a book with a milky foam-topped glass of hot chocolate.

I had time to return to the park before my appointment. The grass was dappled with light and shade and I was surrounded by the most beautiful large trees. It was an oasis in the midst of the city, with the traffic steaming past. I wandered awhile and came across some squirrels darting through the branches and scooting down the trunks and across the leafy emerald grass. I took a few photos before making my way back through the park. I discovered a charity there that encourages trees in the city. There was a gigantic weeping willow tree dominating an area designated for growing new trees, and next to that there was a community vegetable garden that anyone could get involved in. I knew nothing of region, on the outskirts of London, and It felt that I had just discovered an area where community development was embedded in the environment.

Somewhat reluctantly I left the park and attended my appointment. With relief, I came away feeling positive and, whilst there is still some way to go, I now had something of a plan and an end in sight towards normality.

With the intensity of heat, I decided to catch the train towards home straightaway and stop-off at a favourite shopping centre rather than head towards the centre of London to explore the sights. I ventured into the divine up-market chocolate shop and savoured a free meltingly delicious concoction that purported to be a cocktail. Hints of lime, mint and a kick of alcohol lingered on my tongue. I wanted to return for another but guilt moved me on.

After a while ambling around the cool indoor shopping precinct, I was hit by a wall of hot air as I entered the High Street and haphazardly made my way back to the station, buying a pale pink straw hat that provided my head with yet another different look and checking out furniture and wallpaper as I’m trying to give my home a bit of a makeover.

Back on the train, I pulled out my book and tried to get into the new story I am reading. It was just not happening. It is one of the early books of a popular author that I have enjoyed so am hoping I will soon be engrossed. I felt relaxed and calm, enjoying life day by day. That’s how I see it, a day at a time, and it makes life so fulfilling. Each day is different and so much happens.

I ended the day sitting out in the garden till late, feeling refreshed by the softness of the warm night breeze and watching the moon and the stars above. Always such a magical moment.

Unblocking creativity and releasing inspiration – 10 minute writing challenge (2 of 2)

25 June 201525 June 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

Copyright 2013 Miguel Virkkuhen Carvalho, Flickr, CC-BY, via Wylio

This 10 minute writing exercise was written four days after the last one posted yesterday, back in January of this year when I was in hospital. It was a very emotional time yet at the same time my emotions were somewhat on hold, still struggling somewhere with my new situation in life, having just been diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia – a fast-acting life threatening form of cancer. Fortunately the final report revealed that I had the type APL (Acute Promyelocytic Leukaemia) which has the best prognosis.

‘Let anything come to light. Light, sun, shade, depths. My favourite colours. Pink and turquoise. Where are they now? The luminescence of my favourite pink is in my hand leading this waltz of writing. Waltz – music is within me yet it has evaded me. The song of life, the thrill of it all. The lilting sound of creativity. Creativity is to be found all around – or is it? I need to search it out, to wallow in it and bring it back to life. Life, it keeps coming up. This new, unexpected venture. How does it feel to be here? But I am not ‘here’. I am soothing my soul to do something special with creativity. There is so much around, but where is it hiding. I am on a journey and that journey is just finding me. I must avoid the logic. That is not what this is for. Storytelling was my aim and that can stay with me. I will write a short story, one that wings in from the sky above. One that I don’t think hard about, it just comes to me. Will it be real? There will be more than one – but fantasy is what breathes through my veins. A new light. Get caught up in the colour that comes to me. Take inspiration from all that has come to be in this vessel of a room. The cards and gifts. Where am I? I am with heart. I am loving life. All is not lost it is within me. To find the light and the story. To have music in my mind. To love and to laugh. To write music is a gift that I can bring to this time. I am soaring through the sky in Florida. Such a wonderful and special time. The cool air brushing through my hair as I swirl through the clouds like a swan sweeping across the ocean.’

Unblocking creativity and releasing inspiration – 10 minute writing challenge (1 of 2)

24 June 201525 June 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

Copyright 2009 Trug Bui Viet, Flicks, via Wylio

I thought I would share with you this 10 minute writing exercise I carried out after a friend gave me a very special writing book while I was in hospital. This is the very first bit of writing I did as a result of receiving this book. (Try it yourself – set a timer for 10 minutes and just write whatever comes into your head.) This was written in January this year. I have in the past month started my story … I just need to return again. This 10 minute extract conveys the kind of autobiographical fiction I would like to write.

‘Heart of my life. This moment. Where am I? I am in a new life. I am boarding a train at Platform Life. I have my ticket to an unknown destination. It is calling me. I have no idea where I am going but I have my inside filled with the fuel of inspiration. I am alone. Yet I do not feel alone. I feel that I have my spirits with me. The special light of those I have loved and lost. Yet there is the call of mystery. This is my story. I recall when I was given a signal to get on the train and know that I was on a special journey. I received texts telling me that I was not alone. It was scary yet somehow exciting. I love trains and I was on a journey to my mystery story, the one I am going to start.

I feel it is a fantasy story. It means I can go on any plane of life. The now, the future, the past, the unknown. The hidden depths within me. I may get lost but the fragments of me will collect themselves and save me from the hardness of life as I know it at this moment. I am on a soft journey to a fantasy world. I am going to soar into a story of such powerfulness that inspires me and connects me with the people who I love now and those I have yet to meet. I feel blessed to have this opportunity. And it is going to re-alight my creativity. Take me to a place that is beyond the bounds of special. A unique, timeless experience that is so touching, so enchanting, that I will create many special characters to join me on this journey. They will be colourful, fantastical, special, heartwarming …’

Time to Play – poem written 2010 (inspired by anxiety/depression following post concussion syndrome)

22 June 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

Copyright 2008 Hartwig HKD, Flickr, CC-BY-ND, via Wylio

In 2009 I slipped on ice in my back garden. My legs must have flipped up as I became horizontal and landed flat on my back. At the time it was as if it was happening in slow motion, I recall suddenly looking up at the clouds – seemingly in a lying down position – and wondering what was happening. Then there was a hard thud as the back of my head hit the ground. The end result was post concussion syndrome which resulted in extreme anxiety followed by depression. This poem was written at that time.

TIME TO PLAY

Sitting here the thoughts surround me

Memories I have for sure

Dragging me along the pathway

Thinking that there is no cure

Draining troughs of useless power

Taking all I have to give

Wish that I could be away now

Heal the hurt that’s like a sieve

Letting all the goodness leave me

Giving me a woolly head

Save me from this awful feeling

Keeping me still in my bed

Let the waves of colour surface

Brighten up the newborn day

Fill me with a breath of gladness

So that I may find my way

Life is like a roller coaster

Scared is what I have become

Spread my wings and take me forward

Lift this life so wearysome

Help me see that there are rainbows

Spread with dreams along the way

There is love and laughter waiting

Sitting there amongst the hay

The Trapped Butterfly – Poem

18 June 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

Copyright 2009 Donald Duss, Flickr, CC-BY, via Wylio

The following poem was written in 2010. A woman I had met in Brighton had talked about being a trapped butterfly and other things she spoke about encouraged me to get on and write my book. Yes, even back then I had the intention to write a book – maybe 2015 will be the year! I have recently made a start on two books – one is a fiction story based in Brighton which I started writing a couple of weeks ago. The second is a book on Memories and Creativity which I started writing today. I have made many ‘starts’ over the years – I just have to keep the momentum up and see it through … Anyway, here is my poem.

The Trapped Butterfly

Thoughts of freedom fill her mind

not knowing what to do

She cannot leave it all behind

to find that something new

Life has done it once again

entrapped her in its web

Amongst it all it is the men

that cause a constant ebb

The journey has been happy

it has not been all bad

Such gifts there’ve been for all to see

yet now she feels so sad

The spiders web surrounds her

it’s not a pretty sight

And nothing feels the way things were

so taking all the might

Yet through her fragile being

comes wonder and such light

That lifts and is so healing

she’s not giving up the fight

To break through all the limits

and fly to reach the sky

To take a look to where he sits

with not a tearful eye

So from this day now forward

she knows what she must do

To lift her high as like a bird

and give a happy coo

A butterfly is special

it flutters here and there

But her wish is now to settle

with one that wants to share

And the choices that she makes

are hers and hers alone

And it will be for all their sakes

though some of them may moan

Time is slipping through her wings

the moment is now here

To feel the joys of all life brings

there’s nothing now to fear

Tonight is the night all my dreams come true – Love Poem

18 June 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

Copyright 2008 Sabrina Campagna, Flickr, CC-BY, via Wylio

Tonight is the night all my dreams come true

As you eagerly search for the four leafed clover
Amongst the softness of the lush emerald grass
The suns rays sprinkle the angels’ dust of love

When the magical starlight haze glimmers in the night sea sky
The warm bond of hugs nestles in the midnight breeze
And memories of a distant fountain spread everlasting joy

Special feelings are shared silently as the soft moon
Glows through the majestic bridge
And a time recalled when two languages declared their love

Standing forever caught in a tangled maze
Never reaching the point when two hearts join forever
Lost happiness as the twist of fate rips all hope aside

Yet tonight is an open book
The story unwritten
Our world is there to find

Perfection is an illusion
Yet the mystical journey to the dream can be shared
And all the special tender moments make all the days apart worthwhile

All there is to do is smile and believe it can be
Allow the chance to be free
To share a blessed and loving journey of life in its entirety

Tonight is the night all my dreams come true

Oblivion – poem

14 June 201514 June 2015 / Waves and Pebbles - random thoughts and writing on life, memories and creativity / Leave a comment

Copyright 2008 David Ohmer, Flickr, CC-BY, via Wylio

I wrote this poem when I was attending a creative writing course in 2013. It was at this time that I learnt about different types of poems and editing. It was my first (and only!) attempt at a Villanelle style of poem. Most of my poems have been written spontaneously and rarely edited. I’d love to know what you think.

OBLIVION

Across the trapway looming dwellings queue

I struggle with thoughts of others’ feeling

Shimmering isle inspired by blue depth hue

Eery emptiness fakes tempting trespass

I’m drawn to chance the shake of such stepping

Across the trapway looming dwellings queue

Furtive steps melt along the curving path

I feel the heat of the orange glowing

Shimmering isle inspired by blue depth hue

Hidden echoes of the privileged few

I hear aching voices softly calling